by Charity Joy
It’s July, and we have been back to in person events for one year. It has been a year filled with deep connection, touch, love, and support alongside challenges related to the ongoing pandemic, life stressors, and the severe emotional impact of the recent overthrow of Roe v. Wade. We need each other more than ever, and need to be conscious in the way we connect to each other.
Early after the inception of Empowered Pleasure, we lost our access to connect with one another. We originally intended to primarily create events for those seasoned in Sex Positivity from other organizations, such as Sex Positive World, ISTA, Bonobo Network, HAI, and others. Because of the need for connection that bubbled up due to the pandemic and its impact on other sex positive organizations, we decided to step up and serve those new to sex positivity in addition to seasoned practitioners.
We began offering our Orientation on a quarterly basis, set up a mentor program, and worked to walk individuals through the leveling process on a 1:1 basis. This system has worked for the most part, but we realize that offering in person core classes helps each person entering Empowered Pleasure get a better understanding of who we are as a community and how we wish to engage with one another.
Because of this, we are adding a new course called Leveled Up Boundaries. While many of us understand the basics of boundaries, we are all in a process of evolution regarding the complexities of how to understand our own boundaries, speak them with boldness, and receive them with grace and love. This class will be offered monthly. We will be altering our leveling process considering this added course.
Level E1: Most participants will enter at Level E1, unless you have a significant amount of experience in sex positive environments and can attend any events with an E1 designation. In order to progress you will be asked to do the following:
Review our Orientation, Boundaries, Leveling Up & Safer Sex Talk video or take the in-person class, and email your responses to the written exercise. We’ll review your answers and move you to E1.5 if you have understood these foundational points.
Level E1.5: You will now be allowed to attend events with an E1.5 designation. These events are intended to provide space for moving nurturing touch. In order to progress you will be asked to do the following:
Attend the Leveled-Up Boundaries Course
Request connection with a mentor and make initial contact.
In most cases, you will be leveled up to E2 after attending Leveled-Up Boundaries and participating in the exercises. In order to progress to E2, we are looking for:
Awareness of your own triggers and a strategy to manage them
Capacity to say “no” to any unwelcome sensual touch
Capacity to receive “no” gracefully without pressuring or asking “why.”
Capacity to interact lovingly with people who are different than you, whether from a different race, nationality, gender, age, or orientation.
Level E2: You will now be allowed to attend events with an E2 designation. E2 events are designed to learn how to enjoy luscious, sensual touch without driving towards sexual engagement. These events often include sensual touch and are partially clothing optional (genitals stay covered, no genital touch). In order to progress to E3, you must:
Attend at least three E2 or E2/3 events and discuss your experiences with your mentor.
Complete a Leveling Up Journal and submit to your mentor. The journal will cover:
How do I know I’m in Sex Brain and how do I manage it?
How do I manage myself in highly sensual situations and resist driving an agenda?
How do I manage feelings of being left out, jealous, or heightened desire that cannot be satisfied in the moment?
Attend Intersecting Identity Play led by Mojo Mustafa (see Meetup calendar).
Directly ask your mentor when you feel ready for E3, and follow any suggestions they have for you. Your mentor will make the formal recommendation to us regarding leveling up when you both agree that you are ready.
Level E3: You will now be allowed to attend events with an E3 designation, or E3/E4 progressive events. You will also be allowed to enjoy the E3/4 play spaces at our big parties. E3 events are clothing optional and include sexual touch, but without penetration and without driving towards orgasm. E3 is a beautiful place for learning the tantric techniques of “giving without expectation, receiving without obligation.” Can you enjoy highly sensual/sexual play without needing to head for orgasm? Can you enjoy exploring the playground that is available to you without resenting the container of the space or the boundaries of the play partner? In order to progress to E4,
Attend at least three E3 events and discuss your experiences with your mentor.
Complete a Leveling Up Journal E3-E4 and submit to your mentor. The journal will cover:
What is your experience with drop, and how do you manage it?
How do you know if you are in fight/flight/freeze/appease mode?
Discuss triggers that have emerged for you in highly sexual environments and how you have worked through them.
Discuss your current support system and how you utilize it when experiencing drop, triggers, or uncertainties about personal boundaries.
Discuss a challenging situation from an EP event or other sexual situation involving more than two people and what you learned from it.
Discuss what you have learned about boundary setting.
Discuss what you have learned about your sex brain, how it impacts you in highly sexual situations, and how you are continuing to grow in this area.
What is your understanding of sex party etiquette? (What are behaviors that can feel “creepy”, what is the difference between consensual voyeurism and lurking, how do you ask to join an activity in a way that is not intrusive? Etc). Please include things you are still uncertain about, because admitting we don’t know everything is sexy!!
Check in with your mentor when you feel ready for E4. Please discuss why you feel you’re ready, and where you still need to grow. Identifying our growth edges is sexy! (Hint…you are more likely to be considered for E4 if you are open to share your own growth edges.)
Your mentor will contact us with a recommendation for E4 when you both feel you are ready.
Level E4: Allows for the possibility of full sexual expression in a group environment. At this level, you will have sufficient knowledge and experience in sex positive community that you can mentor others new to the process. You can enjoy being present with others expressing a full range of sexual activity without “yucking their yum”, even if they are enjoying something that isn’t your cup of tea. You embody the attitudes of sex positivity, and can comfortably spot and address problematic behaviors from other members. You agree to let Cliff or Charity know if you see a boundary or consent violation, and step in any time you see hate speech of any kind. You participate in the ongoing development of a conscious and loving community.
To avoid favoritism, we use an individual mentoring program and will be completely transparent with any member asking for Leveling Up regarding why they are or are not being leveled up. If a member is not comfortable with their assigned mentor, they can and should ask for reassignment without repercussions. Mentors and mentees cannot be lovers, as that creates a dual, conflicting relationship.
Please e-mail us with any questions!