By Charity Joy

Today I want to talk about race. I want to address race in our polyamorous community. Our very white community. Over the past several months I have grown increasingly aware that while I have been externally open to feedback about the whiteness of our sex positive communities, I have been internally defensive. I smile graciously on the outside and acknowledge, “yes”, but my insides run through the gamut of defensive responses. Those of us who are white and/or present to the world as white have thought them.

There is something relieving about having a name for these internally defensive responses. White Fragility. Having a name for an internal experience allows us to challenge that knowledge into a new mission. Rather than working so hard at “not being racist,” I can be anti-racist. I can approach this with beginner’s mind, simply accepting that I have been indoctrinated into white supremacy, and the eggshells of white fragility are strewn throughout my nervous system. I can systematically evolve with persistent effort. I invite others in the sex positive community to join me!

This Sunday, September 13, Kevin A. Patterson, M.Ed. is offering a discussion on his 2018 book, Love’s Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities. His brilliant book discusses the many unique issues faced by BIPOC, especially Black humans who are involved in Ethical Non-Monogamy. These issues include forced ambassadorship, othering, tokenism, fetishization, class, and other breakdowns. He goes on to discuss how leaders in sex positive and other alternative communities must choose to be intentional in fostering inclusivity “by going straight to the source of what causes division in the first place.” (Patterson 2018).

Please join us this Sunday, and keep posted for additional event offerings amplifying BIPOC voices. We are giving 100% of the proceeds of events led by our BIPOC hosts to the hosts themselves. Let us learn together.