By Charity Joy
I pride myself in being a good skeptic. Having escaped from intense religious indoctrination as a child, I have a difficult time hearing overly spiritualized language, especially if it includes spiritual bypassing, the tendency to use spiritualized language to avoid painful emotional processes or psychological concerns. Having spent the last five or so years in relationship with Cliff, who has studied Tantra extensively through the Art of Being with Alan Lowen, I have come to truly appreciate depth of connection, conscious awareness, and the presence that comes with the integration and weaving of all that is around and within us.
Because of my curiosity about Tantra, I decided to attend Living Tantra 1, taught by Jan Day, Alan’s protégé, in the United Kingdom. Having never attended a deep dive personal improvement workshop, I did not know what to expect. I predicted that I might find the spiritualized language cringy, but I believed that my “internal translator” could accommodate and apply what fit for me while leaving behind what did not.
I was little prepared for the transformative impact of spending 7 intense days fully engaged in deep, connected inner and interpersonal work. I found layer upon layer of myself that I had forgotten were there being integrated and woven together. I now understand much more fully what I have heard Cliff often say: “Tantra means weaving, integrating” while Jan says, “Tantra is the weaving together of all that is.” I will be attending several more of Jan’s workshops over the next 18 months to further integrate this way of being.
Have I returned a convert to a new esoteric faith? No…I remain happily agnostic. However, I have seen several things true within myself that previously I had understood only intellectually. I have not developed a new faith in something outside of myself. More accurately, I have come to a more direct experience of how my “Self” is a part of a vast Whole - the connection between all that is. And I am comfortable with the mystery - not needing to understand it fully. This is a huge step for me.
I learned many things about myself through this experience. First and foremost, I cannot separate my intellect from my body, my sexuality, my vitality, my power, my heart, or my intuition. They are inextricably woven together. I come back to you feeling more integrated, softer, and recognizing the enormous strength in vulnerability and in community. All the disparate parts of myself are feeling significantly more connected than they were before. A phrase that Jan often repeated during the workshop was “growing roots and wings.” While I do not have nice words to describe what it means to me, I feel in my body that I have deeper roots and broader wings. As a community, I hope we all begin to embody the richness of how weaving together all of our disparate parts nourishes strong roots while also allowing us to fly.