By Charity Joy
I received my first dose of the Moderna COVID-19 vaccination last week, taking a break from sitting by my mother in the hospital, post-op, after she had to undergo an invasive emergency surgery. As the needle jabbed my arm, a window opened for me.
Memories from the last year flooded through me in a complex tapestry. Memories and emotions that I had been holding in my core, blocked from my day to day awareness, began to rush into my consciousness. Memories of the Tree House – our event space and living quarters - filled with laughter, smiles, sighs of bliss, and faces. Memories of making my traditional guacamole in the kitchen as many of you arrived through the door without masks. Hugs. Multiple hands reaching into the chip bowl. Stolen kisses. Conversations and so many stories of how we had arrived there in that space and in that moment.
My mind went to a broader grief. A global grief. I have missed having parties, singing karaoke, having dinner, and seeing how many people we can fit into our hot tub after events. I miss sharing my life and my home with you. I’ve missed dressing up for concerts or spontaneous trips to Sanctuary or Privata for some casual public sexy time play. I’ve missed finding my most twirly skirt for a night of Latin dancing where I can awkwardly follow Cliff’s flawless and beautiful lead.
But my grief is nothing alongside the grief of so many. The globe is in shit lake, and I have my toe in while billions are in over their head. And yet, because I am a medical provider and have private health insurance, I got my jab before most. But I got my jab when it was available, and I hope you all will too. That is how the sun will rise again.
Some of us will be unbound before others. How do we as individuals, and as a community, navigate the dawn with conscientiousness, love, and equity? We are not going back to something. That “something” was not working for a large percentage of people. Let us build something new. Let us increase love in the world in all the ways that we can.
I’m inviting each and every one of us to navigate the dawn with integrity. Integrity comes from the same Latin root as integration – “integer” or whole. I am going to be reflecting on a number of questions as we move into this new era. I invite you to join me. I will be sharing my journey through blog posts will be inviting a conversation with each one.
Query #1: What have I discovered in myself during this time of global crisis?
Query #2: What have I observed outside of myself during this time?
Query #3: How have I been transformed during this time?
Query #4: How do I want to carry that transformation into the new age?
Query #5: How has my view of commitment changed/evolved during this crisis?
Query #6: How have my relationship desires changed?
Query #7: How will my presence in relationships be transformed?
Query #8: How has my view of attachment/connection been transformed, and how will that impact me in day to day life?